(not necessarily true history...)
No wonder we can't get along - We don't understand each other, even in perfectly
First: A story in english -My friend was driving his car last week - middle of the day.
He gets pulled over for "whatever, I don't know what". (subject isn't important to the story)
The woman police officer asks for his driver's license, registration and proof of insurance.
My buddy says "Why'd you pull me over?"
She comes back with "Sir, have you been drinking?"
He says "Why? Do I look like I've been drinking?"
She says, and I quote, verbatim: "Your left eye is bloodshot.".
"Step out of the car, please."
To make it short, he didn't and made her call a supervisor and he apologized to him for her. Marc
(for those who missed it, if you drink, it's both eyes that would be bloodshot)
Now, My friend, Iwan, didn't get it, so he translated it into his native tongue, Dutch......Iwanita wrote:
(Iwan: Hahahahaha, this one's brilliant! In case you don't understand I've re-translated it for you!)
My friend drive its car last week - in the middle of of the day.
He is pulled what over for ", do not know I what".
The civil servant of the women police asks round the license, the registration and the proof of the driver of insurance.
Does my friend say "Why' d you me over?" pulls
She comes with the "Gentleman back, you have drunk?"
He says "about which? Do I look have as I drunk?"
She says, and I quote, word for word: "Your left eye is bloeddoorlopen.".
"Step from the car." _
The sudden, he and her question a supervisor to not to make make and he excuse at him for her.
We are DOOMED if we can't translate humor!!! (correctly)
Words of Wisdom
"While the apple is on the tree it grows and becomes sweeter, when
it decides it is ripe, it falls from the tree and begins to rot."
Dysfunction: The only consistent feature of all your dissatisfying relationships is you.
Cluelessness:| There are no stupid questions, but there are a LOT of inquisitive idiots.
Mistakes: It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.
"If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning." Catherine Aird
Problems: No matter how great and destructive your problems seem now, remember that you’ve probably only seen the tip of them.
Adversity: That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable. Lessons in Logic:
If your father is a poor man, it is your fate. If your father-in-law is a poor man, it’s your stupidity.
I was born intelligent – education ruined me.
Practice makes perfect….but nobody’s perfect….so why practice?
I'd consider real legalization|
of non-citizens working in this country if they would mandate real border control and make them learn English.
The amount of money saved in single language concept would more than pay for border control. The amount of money received in legal taxes in migratory workers would bring in even more.
Of course, a legal worker will demand more wages because they will join some union and we will have $20/hr dishwashers... Wages will rise and costs for businesses will increase....
And what you pay for everything will rise..... Inflation.
-- Cram Grebsivlas
Suppose you were an idiot.
And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. --Mark Twain
We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like
a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support
A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.
Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.
Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases:
Talk is cheap-except when Congress does it.
Passing this great "thinking" email...
Quote of the week.... 2003/12/9
BILL GATES’ ADVICE
Here’s some advice Bill Gates recently offered at a high school speech about things not taught in school. He suggests feel-good politically correct teaching has created a generation of youngsters with no concept of reality and how this concept can set them up for failure in the real world.
RULE 1 Life is not fair – get used to it.
|It is a puzzling
thing. The truth knocks on the door and you say, 'Go away, I'm looking for
the truth.' and so it goes away. Puzzling. (Robert M. Pirsig)
Liar: One who tells an unpleasant truth. (Anonymous)
Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened. (Winston Churchill)
The truth is that all of us attain the greatest success and happiness possible in this life whenever we use our native capacities to their greatest extent. (Dr. Smiley Blanton)
Please don't lie to me, unless you're absolutely sure I'll never find out the truth. (Ashleigh Brilliant)
You can excuse some ignorance - You can excuse some arrogance -
It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument. (William G. McAdoo)
The older and wiser I get, the more understanding and the less tolerant I become - (mws)
Real knowledge is to know the extent of ones ignorance. (Confucius)
Your ignorance cramps my conversation. (Anonymous)
I never give them hell. I just tell the truth and they think it's hell. (Harry Truman)
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything. (Mark Twain)
When I'm working on a problem, I never think about beauty. I think only how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong. (Richard Buckminster Fuller)
Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work. (Al Capp)
I don't have a solution but I admire the problem. (Anonymous)
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have. (Thomas Jefferson)
If people really liked to work, we'd still be plowing the land with sticks and transporting goods on our backs. (Eilliam Feather)
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused. (Anonymous)
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. (Fred Allen)
Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. (F.P. Jones)
Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones. (Anonymous)
The more experienced I get, the more creative my mistakes become. (Cram Grebsivlas))
It is necessary for us to learn from others' mistakes. You will not live long enough to make them all yourself. (experience )
True love is like a psychic experience. Everyone tells ghost stories, but few have ever seen a ghost. (Anonymous)
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out? (Will Rogers)
Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant intelligence. (Henrik Tikkanen)
What can you say about a society that says that God is dead and Elvis is alive? (Irv Kupcin
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty. (Sacha Guitry)
It's always easy to see both sides of an issue we are not particularly concerned about. (Anonymous)
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence. (Manly's Maxim)
The Army has carried the American ... ideal to its logical conclusion. Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on ability. (Tom Lehrer)
The decision doesn't have to be logical, it was unanimous. (Anonymous)
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable man persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man. (George Bernard Shaw)
A great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do! (Anonymous)
One good analogy is worth three hours discussion. (James T. Mccay)
Quality questions create a quality life. Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers. (Anthony Robbins)
Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. (Carl Bard)
I think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability. (Oscar Wilde)
Don't waste time learning the "tricks of the trade. Instead, learn the trade. (Anonymous)
Even a fool knows you can't touch the stars, but it doesn't stop a wise man from trying. (Harry Anderson, "Night Court")
I find that a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking up something and finding something else on the way. (Franklin P. Adams)
If age imparted wisdom, there wouldn't be any old fools. (Claudia Young)
Imagination is more important than knowledge. (Albert Einstein)
The confidence of ignorance will always overcome indecision of knowledge. (Anonymous)
The first step towards knowledge is to know that we are ignorant. (Richard Cecil)
The optimist proclaims we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true. (James B. Cabell)
It's better to be known by six people for something you're proud of than to be known by sixty million for something you're not. (Albert Brooks)
Many people believe that humility is the opposite of pride, when, in fact, it is a point of equilibrium. The opposite of pride is actually a lack of self esteem. A humble person is totally different from a person who cannot recognize and appreciate himself (Rabino Nilton Bonder)
95% of this game is half mental. (Yogi Berra)
Genius is the talent of a person who is dead. (Anonymous)
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. (Elbert Hubbard)
In fact, one thing that I have noticed . . . is that all of these conspiracy theories depend on the perpetrators being endlessly clever. I think you'll find the facts also work if you assume everyone is endlessly stupid. (Brian E. Moore)
Minds are like parachutes - they only function when open. (Thomas Dewar)
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity. (Anonymous)
Since when was genius found respectable? (Elizabeth Barrett Browning)
I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent. (Ashleigh Brilliant)
When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they're not it. (Anonymous)
I was a pilot flying an airplane and it just so happened that where I was flying made what I was doing spying. (Francis Gary Power, U-2 reconnaissance pilot held by the Soviets for spying, in an interview after he was returned to the US)
Join in the new game that's sweeping the country. It's called "Bureaucracy" Everybody stands in a circle. The first person to do anything loses. (anonymous)
Patience Hell! - I'm gonna kill something! - (hungry buzzard)
MAJOR U.S. RESEARCH UNIVERSITY DISCOVERS NEW ELEMENT!! The element, tentatively named
Administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have 1
neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons.
However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes
every reaction it comes in contact with. Some studies have shown
that the atomic mass actually increases after each reorganization.
The element, tentatively named
Administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have 1
neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons.
However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes
every reaction it comes in contact with.
Some studies have shown
that the atomic mass actually increases after each reorganization.
|Subject: Evading ticket when I am out of gas!
Date: Tue, 26 Jun 2001 12:14:08 -0700 (PDT)
From: Mxtt Kxxr <firstname.lastname@example.org>
This is long - so if you have nothing better to do
then enjoy my bad luck.
Oh, it's on reserve already.
Naturally, cars think I'm trying a sneaky motorcycle lane splitting tactic. (???)
After the second car moves over to block my path I
lose it. I cannot move, sweating uncontrollably
The window was already up, but I see this frantic woman trying to make sure all blast doors are closed and locked.
I ask her what she thinks I am doing. She ignores me.
I point to my bike - and say "it's broken down - what do you want me to do?"
I was not about to admit I was out of gas, even though it
was *not* my fault. They told me they fixed it
I conclude the one sided conversation with the usual
expletives and she eventually musters up the courage to give me the finger.
Eventually, Mrs. C moves along with the rest of the traffic. I continue my pushing. Now I am on a normal road, with no shoulder.
I choose the sidewalk as the safest place to continue my quest for gas.
I am welcomed by a nice down hill slope.
Oh no, nothing is that easy.
Evidently Mrs. C called the police (911 of course).
Up rolls a cop as I am blistering along at 6 mph. I wave to him.
He has his lights on and is going really slow. I wave again.
Surely the cop will understand that I am not driving
on the sidewalk - I am rolling in the safest manner
Mmmmm, maybe a slurpee, too!
It is not operating but I get the idea of what he wants. I try
to do a stoppie but just could not get the rear up at 4mph.
I oblige him.
He gets back in his air conditioned car and tells me to sit down on the sidewalk (in the sun of course) in his line of vision.
11 minutes later he gets out with his nice big clip board.
"Sir - did you have an encounter with a Toyota Camery about 20 minutes ago?"
I ponder the question.
"What do you mean "encounter"?
"Did you threaten the driver of a Toyota Camery"
"No, I made no threats to anyone".
"Can you describe the encounter?"
"I would not call it an encounter.
"A Toyota Camery blocked me as I was pushing my bike, I informed the
driver that my bike was out of gas
"As I walked away, I was cursing the situation - but did not threaten her. She then gave me the finger and I THEN directly insulted her."
He scowls at me.
"Why are you riding on the sidewalk?"
Thanks for listening. ( Is this guy brain dead?)
"My bike is out of gas."
"Why is it out of gas?" (Really, he IS brain dead?)
I make a fatal mistake right here.
"Because there is not any more gas in the tank".
No sooner than I finish the "k" part of tank, he is on the radio calling for back up, and almost simultaneously a cop from the other direction was going by.
Dammit. I could not resist saying that.
Just so happens the back up dxldo is a shift sergeant or something like that.
They start talking in codes a little away from me.
Sarge walks up to me and radios in that he is on the scene of the "217" or something like that.
I know I am screwed so I might as well go with the smart ass routine. Much more fun for me.
I say "Wow - I got my own number". (217..) No reaction.
He has the clipboard now, he has the power of Greyskull.
Says "Why did you not stop when the officer had his lights on?".
"I did stop".
He looks at the clipboard and glances at the other officer.
"Why is your bike on the sidewalk?"
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Am I in a movie? (I am still sweating profusely.)
"My bike is out of gas."
Come on, ask me why its out of gas. Please god - ask me.....
"Where did you run out?"
Can't I get a break here? Nothing "smartass" comes to mind so I just tell him.
We then go through the whole story, including the fact that I just got it out of the shop.
The brain dead (Mr. Ameba IQ) cop looks like he is
going to pass out now from being in the sun for 10
Sarge asks me if I got the plate of the Toyota. I say
no. He said they will pull the cell phone from the
He rambles on about aggressive driving and how a moped ran from cops today and the rider died and blah blah blah.
He then indicates that I got lucky because Einstein
had already written "failing to stop" and called that code in when requesting back up. Seeing
as how I was out of gas, odds are I would win in court, so they were letting me off. He said I and the
bitch in the Camery will get a letter from the DOT
Thanks for letting me off a ticket for evading when my bike does
not even have any fxcking gas in it.
Brilliantly Funny Rant
Date: Tue, 18 Sep 2001 17:14:33 -0400
From: Marshall <email@example.com>
I couple of guys on the Ducati list were going at it until one of them came up with this very funny retort. I about peed in my pants laughing. we all need a little giggle about now.
I am a poverty stricken, Portuguese Mongolian Dalmatian spotted troll of a man with no home, no job, no money and no hope. I just want to be with someone that will hold me and care for me and love me for the hideously ugly misfit that I am. Could you be that someone? Is there any hope for me, for you,
and for the rest of the world?
Please e-mail me off line so I can find out when we can meet and you can begin the monumental task of making me whole again (and hopefully I can get a free lunch too) .
1989 Homelite Chainsaw
-You meet the warmest people on this list....they just give 'til it
ONE OF AESOP'S LOST FABLES One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally he decided the animal was old and the well needed to be covered up anyway, it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well and was astonished at what he saw. With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge Of the well and trotted off! Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up.
Each of our troubles is a stepping-stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up! Remember the five simple rules to be happy: 1. Free your heart from hatred. 2. Free your mind from worries. 3. Live simply. 4. Give more. 5. Expect less. P.S. The donkey later came back and kicked THE SHIT out of the bastard that tried burying him. So remember: When you try to cover your ass, it always comes back to get you!!
"I LEARNED ABOUT FLYING FROM DAT" It was a typical day in Oregon, Low ceilings with drizzle and about enough visibility to see the radiator ornament as I drove toward our airport. I had just soloed the day before and wasn't about to let the weather deter me from another exciting experience at the controls of an airplane. I admit that I was pretty proud of my accomplishment, and had invited my next-door neighbor to ride with me. I planned to fly to a neighboring town about 200 miles away where I knew there was a good restaurant. On the way to the airport, my neighbor, John Williams, expressed some worry about the trip. "Don't worry about a thing", I reassured him, "I understand their hamburgers are excellent". When we arrived at the field, the drizzle had turned to a hard steady rain. This concerned me a little, as I was wearing my brown and white shoes, and my mother had warned me about getting them muddy. We checked with the local operator and found that my regular airplane, a Cessna 120, was down for repairs. The operator was a good-hearted follow, though, and when he saw my disappointment he assigned me another one, N3341P, which turned out to be a Piper Apache. "It's practically the same as a 120", he told me when I discovered there was an extra engine. "Just remember you have to pull the gear up." After a pre-flight check of the airplane, I noticed the tail wheel was missing, but didn't say anything for fear he would cancel the trip. We climbed aboard and began looking for the starter. Just then the operator came running out to tell me there was a severe thunderstorm at my destination and warned me to be careful. I assured him I wasn't afraid of thunderstorms. The takeoff was uneventful, but we did use what seemed to be a lot of runway for an airplane with two engines. (I learned later, we had taken off downwind with the parking brake on.) We climbed into a solid overcast at about 400 feet. This was a bad disappointment, as I knew John would have been interested in the scenery. The air was pretty smooth, though, and except for the ice that kept forming over the windshield, there was little to see. For a pilot with only six hours, I thought I handled the controls pretty smoothly, although, for some reason things occasionally flew out of my pockets up to the roof. John didn't seem to notice. In fact, he kept staring straight ahead with sort of a glassy expression. I guess he was afraid of the height, as some non-pilots are. After about an hour, I began to be concerned over the fact I could not see anything. It was going to be difficult to spot other traffic around the airport at our destination, and I hoped the other pilots would use a little good sense and keep a sharp eye in such bad weather. It was obvious that I was going to have to get down lower, if I wanted to see anything. It was too bad that the altimeter was so unreliable. It kept winding and unwinding rapidly, and I guessed that it hadn't been kept in good repair. Anyway, following this plan I began to come down. Just then the left engine quit. No warning, nothing. It just quit. John made a sort of gurgling noise then, and it was about the first thing he had said since we left. I explained that there was nothing to worry about, as we had another engine that hadn't even been used yet! So I started the right engine, and John must have felt better after that, because he went to sleep. Well, pretty soon we did get down far enough, so that I could see the ground. It was pretty dark under the clouds, and if it weren't for the lightening flashes, it would have been hard to find any good landmarks. Then I spotted a highway and remembered there was a highway near the airport we were headed toward, so I followed it. It was difficult to read the road signs in all that rain, and I had to stay pretty low. Several cars ran off the road when we passed them, and I could say it was true about flying being a lot safer than driving. After awhile we did find the airport, but l had to fly around the tower a few times to make sure it was the right one. I didn't want to make a mistake and have everyone know I was a student pilot. They were very hospitable at the airport and flashed all kinds of colored lights as a welcome. So I landed and slid up to the parking area. (The operator should have mentioned that you have to put the gear down -again.) Everybody there was pretty excited. It was easy to see they had never seen a Piper Apache before. John was still sleeping soundly, and I had to have help to carry him into the restaurant. Well, I certainly learned about flying from that, and I want to pass on some good advice to other student pilots. Don't believe everything you hear--the food was terrible.
From: Rick Groszkiewicz ONE-LINERS Here is some classic humor, which you've probably seen before... 1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. 2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. 3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? 5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. 6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section? "She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. 7. What if there were no hypothetical questions? 8. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? 9. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong? 10. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? 11. Is there another word for synonym? 12. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? 13. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?" 14. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? 15. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? 16. Would a fly without wings be called a walk? 17. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? 18. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? 19. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? 20. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? 21. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? 22. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? 23. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign? 24. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? 25. What was the best thing before sliced bread? 26. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people. 27. How is it possible to have a civil war? 28. If God dropped acid, would he see people? 29. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too? 30. If you ate pasta and antipasti, would you still be hungry? 31. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? 32. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it? 33. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? 34. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? 35. Where are we going? And what's with this handbasket? 36. If the "blackbox" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole damn airplane made out of that stuff? 37. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? 38. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?
Every single one of us has made mistakes with women. We've been conned, duped and dazed by physical attraction. We've made fools of ourselves by kissing the feet of females who treated us like dirt. We've wasted countless hours and spent small fortunes chasing after women who lied to us and used us, and turned out to be rotten.
But do we learn from our experiences? No. Every time we think it's going to be different. We think if we just try harder, or do one little thing differently, the result will change.
Well, it's not going to change. If you keep pursuing the same kind of woman, you'll just get your heart broken over and over again.
Keep a watchful eye out for the following list of women, and you'll be one step closer to curing yourself of habitual bitch-dating:
1- Miss Feminist
This woman postulates that all the ills of society are orchestrated by men and the best thing a man can do to improve himself is cut off his testicles and grow a pair of ovaries. She believes that women are angelic creatures who would make the world a utopia if only the male "patriarchy" would allow them to. Any woman who promotes these absurdities lives in a fantasy world and will have no problem at all treating a man in a way that she would never herself abide by. You can easily identify her by her incessant mantra, "All men think with their penises." Avoid her at all costs.
2- Miss Take
She's out for your money -- pure and simple. Miss Take is the ultimate in high maintenance. She expects a man to finance her entire life just because she is biologically female. To her, a man should pay for drinks, dinners, trips, flowers, and jewelry, while she feels absolutely no guilt or compulsion to reciprocate. She is nothing but a whitewashed prostitute. Miss Take thinks her vagina is plated with gold and is worth a million dollars. She is greed personified. Since she has no concept of someone else's feelings, her only interest is in getting what she wants. And don't be fooled -- some apparently very "nice" girls are the greediest of them all.
On to Miss Romance, Elusive and Angry
3- Miss Romance
This type of woman lives in a fantasy world of Lifetime Channel movies and romance novels. Every night she goes home alone to spend hours flipping through her bride magazines, imagining that, at any moment, Prince Charming will ride up on his white horse, sweep her off her feet, and offer her a problem-free existence for the rest of her life. The Miss Romances of the world have been coddled by parents and family, told they are "princesses," and have absolutely no idea that real life consists of paying bills and cleaning toilets. Miss Romance will expect to be taken care of, will be a dud in bed, and will, almost overnight, turn into a shrieking nag. Run.
4- Miss Elusive
This woman is closely allied to Miss Romance, but with a dark side. She is usually one of the "walking wounded" -- someone who has been hurt in past relationships and so subconsciously avoids or sabotages new relationships in the present. Your association with her will be one of utter frustration, as first she shows great interest in you, but very quickly runs away -- then repeats this cycle over and over again. Miss Elusive is the queen of mixed messages. She will flirt with you and date you, but you'll never get past "friend" status. What you will get is a million excuses for her unavailability, all calculated to deceive herself that she just doesn't have time for a relationship. Save yourself some heartache -- don't get involved with her.
5- Miss Angry
Like Miss Feminists, Miss Angrys really don't like men. They scorn the male gender and can rattle off all the wrongs and misdeeds of every man they've ever encountered. To Miss Angry, there's no such thing as a nice guy -- they're all "jerks," "creeps" and "pigs." Many of them have lots of simmering anger at men, which can explode at any moment like an erupting volcano. Unless you're into lots of drama and screaming, stay away.
6- Miss Insecure
This woman seems great at the start because she's very nice, accommodating and treats men well. But her inner insecurities don't take long to surface. Pretty soon she's calling you 10 times a day, asking to see "where the relationship is going," or because she "just wants to hear your voice." She needs constant reassurance that she's attractive, and worries incessantly about her makeup, hair and the alignment of her clothes. She's clingy, needy and compulsively agonizes that you're going to leave her at any moment for "someone better." This kind of thing can get really creepy really fast.
7- Miss Bitch
Miss Bitches are the sulkers, pouters and ball-busters of the female world. They are very unpleasant people who treat their fellow humans poorly, care only about themselves, and aren't concerned at all if they hurt you or anybody else. Most Miss Bitches qualify as Miss Takes, too. Miss Bitches are usually good-looking and well dressed, and you can easily identify them by the scowls on their faces as they imperiously strut through the world.
On to 5 more women you have to avoid at all costs
8- Miss Me
A close relative of Miss Bitch, Miss Me is entirely focused on herself. Miss Me needs to be the constant center of attention no matter what she does or where she goes. She is a selfish, self-indulgent, self-serving narcissist who was raised as "daddy's little girl," and expects the same from you. Unless you enjoy the company of spoiled brats, stay far, far away.
9- Miss Desperate
Whether it's her baby clock ticking or she's the last of her girlfriends to trap a man, Miss Desperate wants to get married -- now. She doesn't care who the guy is or what he does -- as long as he's got a penis she can drag him to the altar. Watch out for this one!
10- Miss Turncoat
She's a conniving little piece of work who's an expert at conning men. Miss Turncoat will tell you exactly what you want to hear until you're hooked deep into the relationship (or married)… and then the truth comes out. Overnight, your sweet little girl turns into a demanding, greedy, mercenary harpy who will browbeat you into submission if she doesn't get her way.
11- Miss Tease
Usually, you can spot Miss Teases a mile away because she flirts with anything in pants and flaunt her sexuality at every opportunity. Sometimes she sponges off older men; sometimes she's a ball-buster who enjoys getting men sexually excited and then walking away; and sometimes she just basks in her sexual power by attracting men like bees to honey. No matter how she operates, you can't trust her because she craves male attention and if somebody better comes along, she'll dump you in a heartbeat.
12- Miss Controlling
She is a subtly nasty one who will wind up directing every phase of your life. She will tell you what to wear, where to go, who to talk to, what friends you can have, what you can eat -- everything. And if you try to stand up for yourself, she will cut off sex, cry, scream, pout, or use any other deceptive female tactic until you give in and succumb to her demands.
you've been warned!
These are some of the worst of them. Obviously, there are some good women out there who share only portions of these negative qualities. But it's always best to be on the lookout for the Misses listed above.
And now that you know better, if you hook up with one of these women, you have only yourself to blame.
When is @#$% Acceptable? There are only eleven times in
history where the "F" word has been considered acceptable for use.
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